Someday I’ll Be Happy When

The fallacy of arrival

Ever caught yourself daydreaming about that magical moment in the future when everything will finally fall into place? You know the drill: “Someday I’ll be happy when I land that dream job, buy that sleek lava orange Porsche, finish that book I’ve always wanted to write, or achieve that elusive goal that seems to be just around the corner.” It’s a comforting thought, right? But let’s pause for a moment and dive into what’s known as the “arrival fallacy.”

What is the Arrival Fallacy?

The arrival fallacy is the belief that once we achieve a particular goal or reach a specific milestone, we will finally be happy and fulfilled. It’s the mental trick where we convince ourselves that our current struggles and discontent are just temporary and will be washed away as soon as we cross the finish line.

But here’s the catch: often, when we finally reach that long-awaited destination, the euphoria is fleeting. That “I’ve made it!” moment might feel great at first, but it rarely delivers the lasting happiness we anticipated. Instead, we find ourselves setting new goals, moving the goalposts further, and falling into the same trap of chasing the next big thing.

The Psychology Behind the Fallacy

So, why do we fall for the arrival fallacy? The answer lies in our brain’s wiring. We’re programmed to be goal-oriented creatures. Setting and striving for goals gives our lives direction and purpose. It’s the pursuit, the chase, that energizes us.

However, our brains also have a funny way of adapting to new circumstances. This phenomenon, known as hedonic adaptation, means we quickly get used to our new situations. That shiny new car, the prestigious job title, or the dream house all become our new normal, and the happiness they bring fades. We’re left craving the next achievement to recapture that sense of excitement and satisfaction.

The “Someday I’ll Be Happy When…” Trap

Consider some common “someday” scenarios:

• Someday I’ll Be Happy When I Get That Promotion: You work tirelessly, climb the corporate ladder, and finally land that coveted position. But soon after, the excitement wears off, and the pressures of the new role take over. Now, you’re eyeing the next promotion.

• Someday I’ll Be Happy When I Buy My Dream Car: You save up, make the purchase, and for a while, driving that dream car feels exhilarating. Eventually, though, it just becomes your regular mode of transport, and the thrill diminishes.

• Someday I’ll Be Happy When I Finish My Book: Writing a book is a monumental task, and completing it is a huge accomplishment. But after the initial satisfaction, you start thinking about sales, reviews, and your next project.

Breaking Free from the Fallacy

Understanding the arrival fallacy is the first step toward breaking free from its grip. Here are some strategies to help you focus on the journey rather than the destination:

1. Savor the Process: Instead of fixating on the end goal, find joy in the steps along the way. Celebrate small victories and appreciate the growth and learning that come with the journey.

2. Set Intrinsic Goals: Focus on goals that are meaningful in and of themselves rather than those tied to external validation. Intrinsic goals, such as personal growth, relationships, and health, are more likely to bring lasting fulfillment.

3. Practice Gratitude: Regularly remind yourself of the good things you already have. Gratitude can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, enhancing your overall sense of well-being.

4. Mindfulness and Presence: Engage in mindfulness practices that help you stay present and fully experience the moment. This can reduce the tendency to always look ahead to the next big thing.

5. Reframe Your Perspective: Understand that happiness is not a destination but a journey. It’s the collection of everyday moments and experiences that make up a fulfilling life.

Real-Life Applications

Take Matthew McConaughey, for instance. McConaughey is a prime example of someone who has not only achieved tremendous success but has continued to drive for more while savoring the process. His journey through Hollywood is not just about the destination—it’s about the experiences, the growth, and the relentless pursuit of meaning beyond the glitz and glamour.

McConaughey’s journey to fame began with a chance encounter at a bar in Austin, Texas, where he met casting director Don Phillips. This meeting led to his breakout role as David Wooderson in Richard Linklater’s 1993 film, Dazed and Confused. The line “Alright, alright, alright” became iconic, and McConaughey’s career was set in motion.

From there, he starred in a series of romantic comedies such as The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and Failure to Launch. These roles solidified his place in Hollywood, but McConaughey felt a growing desire for more substantial and challenging work.

In 2010, McConaughey made a pivotal decision to take a hiatus from the romantic comedy genre, risking his career to pursue more dramatic roles. This period, often referred to as the “McConaissance,” marked a profound shift in his career and personal fulfillment.

During this time, McConaughey took on roles that showcased his versatility and depth as an actor. He delivered powerful performances in films like The Lincoln Lawyer, Mud, Magic Mike, and Dallas Buyers Club. His portrayal of Ron Woodroof in Dallas Buyers Club earned him an Academy Award for Best Actor in 2014, a testament to his talent and dedication.

But winning an Oscar wasn’t the end of McConaughey’s journey. Instead of resting on his laurels, he continued to seek out roles that challenged him and allowed him to grow as an artist. His commitment to enjoying the process and finding meaning in his work, rather than just chasing accolades, has made his career not only successful but also deeply fulfilling.

Final Thoughts on Someday I’ll

The arrival fallacy teaches us a valuable lesson: happiness isn’t waiting for us at the finish line. It’s woven into the fabric of our everyday lives. So, next time you catch yourself thinking, “Someday I’ll be happy when…,” take a step back and look around. Chances are, the happiness you’re seeking is already within your grasp, just waiting to be noticed and appreciated. Embrace the journey, find joy in the process, and remember that the magic of life isn’t in the destination—it’s in the ride.