Finding Joy in Not Finishing First

Beyond Gold: How Adjusting Expectations Can Lead to Greater Happiness

In our achievement-oriented society, finishing first is often seen as the ultimate goal. Whether in sports, business, or personal endeavors, the drive to be number one can be overwhelming. As I was watching the Olympics, something interesting happened, an intriguing phenomenon observed among Olympic medalists. I noticed that happiness isn’t always tied to winning gold. And surprisingly, bronze medalists often appear happier than their silver counterparts. This counterintuitive trend offers valuable insights into managing expectations and finding contentment, even when you don’t finish first. I set out to find out why.

The Happiness Paradox: Bronze vs. Silver

A fascinating article by Jeff Haden on Inc. delves into the psychology behind why Olympic bronze medalists often seem happier than those who win silver. The key lies in the concept of “upward counterfactuals,” a term from psychological research that describes the tendency to compare oneself to a better outcome that could have been. Silver medalists, who are one step away from gold, tend to focus on what they missed out on, often lamenting their near-victory. In contrast, bronze medalists compare themselves to those who didn’t make it onto the podium at all, leading to greater satisfaction with their achievement.

As Haden puts it, “Bronze medalists tend to think about how they almost didn’t win a medal at all. Silver medalists tend to think about how they almost won gold. The result is that bronze medalists are often happier with their accomplishment than silver medalists are.”

Adjusting Expectations: The First Step to Happiness

The root of this happiness paradox is expectations. When you expect to always finish first, any result short of that can feel like a failure. This is a common pitfall in many areas of life, from career ambitions to personal goals. Adjusting your expectations doesn’t mean lowering your standards; rather, it involves embracing a realistic perspective on success and recognizing the value in outcomes that may not be perfect but are still significant.

For example, in sales, a professional might aim to close every deal they pursue. While ambition is commendable, expecting a 100% success rate is unrealistic and can lead to disappointment and burnout. Instead, celebrating each successful deal, regardless of the ones that fell through, can foster a more sustainable and positive mindset.

Celebrating Small Wins

Another lesson from the happiness of bronze medalists is the importance of celebrating small wins. In a world that often glorifies major achievements, it’s easy to overlook the value of incremental progress. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth acknowledging.

In personal development, this might mean recognizing the progress you’ve made in a new hobby or skill, even if you’re not the best. In the workplace, it could involve appreciating the milestones achieved by your team, rather than solely focusing on the final goal. This approach not only boosts morale but also creates a culture of continuous improvement and gratitude.

Shifting the Focus: From Comparison to Self-Improvement

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is deeply ingrained, but it’s not always beneficial. Constantly measuring your achievements against those of others can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of inadequacy. Instead, focusing on your own growth and improvement can be a more fulfilling approach.

In the context of athletic competition, this might mean setting personal bests rather than fixating on beating others. In professional life, it could involve tracking your own career progression and skills development, rather than comparing your success to that of your peers. By prioritizing self-improvement over comparison, you create a more positive and sustainable path to happiness.

Embracing the Journey

One of the most profound lessons from the happiness of bronze medalists is the value of embracing the journey rather than fixating on the destination. The pursuit of a goal, with its challenges and learning experiences, can be deeply rewarding, regardless of the final outcome.

In his article, Haden notes, “The process of striving for a goal can bring its own satisfaction. Sometimes, the journey matters more than the destination.” This perspective encourages us to find joy and fulfillment in the effort, the growth, and the experiences gained along the way.

Final thought: Finding Joy Beyond First Place

The insights gleaned from the happiness of Olympic bronze medalists offer a powerful reminder that finishing first is not the only path to happiness. By adjusting expectations, celebrating small wins, focusing on self-improvement, and embracing the journey, we can find joy and fulfillment in our achievements, no matter where we place.

In our quest for success, it’s crucial to remember that happiness often lies not in the final outcome, but in how we perceive and appreciate our efforts and progress. As we navigate our personal and professional lives, let’s strive to adopt the mindset of a bronze medalist, finding contentment and pride in every step forward, no matter how small.