Don’t Make People Be Like You
Help People Become the Best Versions of Themselves
Years ago I went to school to be an elementary school teacher and one of my favorite and first education professors was Dr. Choya Wilson, and she was incredible. She completely changed my life.
In the class, I was doing a great job of participating in every single discussion. I wrote great research-based papers and did every assignment as well as I could. And about four weeks into the class, Dr. Wilson gave us our first education-focused writing assignment.
In 5 pages or less, answer the question: “Why do I want to be a school teacher?”
So I wrote my heart out. I took up the full five pages. Boiled down to its essence, my answer was quite simple: I wanted to be a school teacher because I wanted the kids to be like me. To be able to overcome what I overcame, to see that they could pull themselves up by their bootstraps just like me. And I wrote all about me, and why being like me would be a great thing for these kids.
The next week, I got my paper returned to me.
I got my first ever F.
An F.
With big circles around the words “I want the kids to be like me,” along with a note from Dr. Wilson that said, “Phil, if you'd like to talk about this, let me know.”
Do I want to talk about this? OF COURSE, I want to talk about this. You gave me an F!!!
So later that week I set up office hours with Dr. Wilson.
And I defended my words. “Of course I want kids to be like me! This is how I grew up! This is all the hard stuff that I went through as a kid, and this is what I've accomplished, and this is why I want kids to be like me.
Dr. Wilson calmly said “Phil, that is the most egotistical thing I've ever heard in my over 30 years of teaching. I know you want the kids to be like you. But they're never going to be like you. And that’s a very wonderful thing.”
But she didn’t stop there.
“It’s not your job to make them “like you.” Your job is to make them be the best them because they can’t be you. You will always be the first, the best, and the worst Phil Gerbyshak, ever. And the kids will be the best they can be if you let them if you teach them well, if you lead them, and if you allow them to fully express themselves. That Phil Gerbyshak is your job.”
And then, before I could say a word, she dismissed me from her office.
I walked out of her office feeling very dejected, and if I’m being honest, I was pretty pissed off. I thought to myself, “How dare she say that! How could she say that being like me was a bad thing!”
So for the next few days, I moped around and stayed pretty angry.
Then one day, for some reason I still don’t know, I asked myself the hard question: “Why would I want any kid to be like me? Why wouldn't I want them to be the best of them, they could be?
And it hit me.
Hard.
I decided right then, that my job as a teacher was to help people be the best version of themselves that they could be each little student, to be the best them they could be.
And that’s how I’ve been teaching ever since.
Even now, as a sales enablement consultant, it is my job to help each sales rep that I have the privilege of training, coaching, and mentoring, to be the best them that they can be.
I want each person I work with to be fully and completely 100% committed to being the best them they can be.
And I get to be the first, the worst, the best Phil Gerbyshak there's ever been, that there ever will be. And they get to be the best them that they will ever be.